Will the new Melrose Place ever achieve the delirious heights, and deranged depths, of the camp classic Fox original? At this early stage, it’s hard to say, although the skeptics who are taking such glee this week in bashing the non-brains out of this lowbrow remake certainly seem to doubt the true watercooler potential of this revived if not improved comic-book melodrama.

Still, I can’t help hoping that, if we’re lucky, we may be buzzing about this one for quite a while. Yes, there’s much that’s awful here, as there always was—some laughably bad acting (especially from the eye-candy guys), portentous flashbacks telegraphed so obviously you expect the screen to do one of those wiggly dissolves, writing that won’t cause Matthew Weiner (or his kids) any sleepless nights—and yet there’s an enjoyably lurid energy to this place that makes it only about 1,000 times more instantly watchable than last season’s dreary redo of 90210. (This is ordinarily where I would start the rant about how the CW has given up any pretense of ever having an original thought again, but maybe I'll save that for my write-up on The Vampire Diaries later this week.)

The new Melrose wastes no time getting down to dirty business. There’s an SOS being texted to the various new hotties who’ve taken up residence in the old apartment complex. The subject of this four-alarm alert: Sydney (Laura Leighton from the original series), still nothing but trouble after all these years. She’s the landlord these days, and she’s got her claws in just about everyone who owes her rent. In one flashback of a frenemy who Syd’s about to evict, she says, “I can do a lot worse. Just ask the people who used to live here.” Looks like we’ll get plenty of opportunity to do that. One other former tenant, Dr. Michael Mancini (Thomas Calabro), is also a cast regular, and he has close personal ties to what’s happening in and around the old courtyard. A handful of other past residents have signed on for guest appearances, although the holy grail that is Heather Locklear has yet to commit.

Smart move. She doesn’t need this, and right now, I’m not sure the show needs her (I appear to be in the minority view on that last point). Because what the new Melrose has from the get-go, which the original series lacked until Amanda Woodward came along, is some golden-girl glamour and spice, and that’s being provided with gusto by breakout star Katie Cassidy as Ella, junior publicist on the prowl and all-around scarlet woman. Make that Scarlett (as in O’Hara), because this gal is all about getting what and/or who she wants (of either sex) when she wants it, and she’s not waiting for tomorrow. In next week’s episode, watch her set her sights on a British movie stud she’s desperate to sign to impress her new pink-slip-happy boss. “Cheeky,” the cocky star calls her, as she informs him that he’s way overexposed (courtesy of a truly stinging Josh Hartnett punch-line) then goes on to prove it. I’d be happy if this sexually adventurous dynamo junked her lease and moved on to her own show. I know I’d watch Ella’s Place.

Until then, we have Melrose, which jumps right into the deep end by showing us a dead body floating bloodily in the iconic pool (scene of so many catfights and canoodling back in the day) before the first 10 minutes. For the 15 of you who haven’t already discovered who this victim is, I’ll spare you the spoiler but confirm that it’s a strong hook for a marvelously silly series. How silly? Consider the earnest but broke med-student Lauren (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicle’s Stephanie Jacobsen), who learns her dad has been laid off and her tuition is overdue just in time for a patient’s handsome son (Adam Kaufman, unfortunately not a regular) to offer her an indecent proposal that sets up a truly goofy unhappy-hooker subplot.

For those who’ve been wondering if there’s an equivalent to the drippy Allison and Billy from the original, you’re in luck (or not, as the case may be). Filling their too-good-to-be-true-or-interesting shoes are Peter Pan-ish filmmaker-wannabe Jonah (Michael Rady) and his 1st-grade teacher steady Riley (Jessica Lucas). For some reason, the writers have saddled the fabulous Ella with the unenviable motivation of acting like she’s pining for this arrested-adolescent doofus, which of course sends Riley into a regular snit.

Whatever. And there are plenty of “whatever’s” to be said about the new Melrose Place. But also a few “what if’s.” As in: What if they can keep up the frenzied pace of the first episodes without burning out prematurely? What if the murder storyline pays off so that Nicholas Gonzalez, who plays the (what else) hot detective, sticks around as one of the few interesting and/or talented men in the cast? What if we all just relax and enjoy a show that takes very seriously the art of not taking itself very seriously? (For me, the original was like the Falcon Crest to Beverly Hills 90210’s Dallas. More than slightly disreputable, but not until toward the end could you ever call it boring.)

That’s the guilty pleasure of Melrose Place then and now. Take a big drink of stupid and call (or Tweet) me in the morning.

Melrose Place premieres tonight at 9/8c on the CW.